Rusty Orange Commercial

Apart from my walk on role as cafe owner, my daughter Rusty (16/going on 45, menthol fag smoker and pinot grigio drinker) steals the ad and outstrips my earnings this year. Of course, 'back in the day' when commercials paid properly for trained professionals who after lunch at The French and an afternoon in the Colony we'd do six voiceovers and a Heineken ad before supper at Wheelers with Francis Bacon , blah, blah, blah, zzzzzzzz.

Up da yoot.

Fill Her Up, by Mark Denton.

Isn’t it a shame when your favourite handy local shop goes ... on Twitpic

Isn’t it a shame when your favourite handy local shop goes ... on Twitpic

The Private Widdle Social Club, April Meeting : A Widdle Bit of Vegas

Showbiz... or the bizness we call "SHOW", was at the forefront of Private Widdle's mind for this event.

With life president Paul Foot in what he calls Austrailala for a month at the Melbourne Comedy festival, Private Widdle had to think of a relplacement for April's meeting and took, ooh, at least 10 seconds to come up with the name: Lenny Beige; London's top cabaret host.

Of course, Private Widdle and Lenny Beige have been old showbiz muckers since the Rediffusion days and working the summer season in Butlin's Las Vegas. Since then they had one brief meeting on the set of 'The Word", the early days of Planet 24, and C4. While Lenny cut a swathe through Amanda de Cadanet and Danny Behr - like a hot Jewish knife through a cream cheese and lox bagel - Widdle was dusting himself down liberally with what he thought was baby powder in the lavatories with Mark LaMarr and the band members of Nirvana. It made the Private's armpits very numb, let alone the bit that always stays damp between the Widdle privates and the backstage pass...

Reader; there is an element, however vague in the mists of time, of truth in this.

Fifteen or so years later they found themselves reunited on the set of The Legend of Dick and Dom. How they have thrived. (Beige and Widdle, not Dick'n'Dom) A deal was struck and Beige came to Deal and triumphed as only he can. Grown men and people in wheelchairs were weeping, so starved had they been of real showbinnez in the town. Pantomime impresarios and TV commissioners were reeling euphorically in the aisles, presented at last with real entertainment.

What the people want to see.

The most hardest working man in semi-showbizness, Beige will be back and the town will once again be on the map, New York, Las Vegas, London, Paris and Deal.

This friendship and near marriage made in showbiz heaven bore its bastard child/fruit on Saturday, with the help of East Enders Down's Mother, Emma Barton, Star also of Chicago.

Plus the yet-to-be -famous (but only a matter of time) Miss Pussy d'Amour. Mis Jezabelle duBois & MajorPerineum Twang and their performing snake...and son. The Craters and other hopefuls too numerous to mention, but copiously talented all.

The Private Widdle Social Club pulls it(self) off once again! There will be more....

Photographic evidence to follow...

Royal Wedding - Chris Palmer

My longtime advertising mogul friend and all-round filmic genius Chris Palmer has made this t-mobile viral for the Rpyal Wedding.

Private Widdle, Hell's Belles

Miss Dolly Doowop

and Miss Mae Hemm

at Private Widdle.



Hell's Belles are the most marvellous dance act who have become central to Private Widdle's stable of extraordinary turns.
Accomplished, tattooed and attractive, they resurrect long-forgotten moves from the Shim-Sham to the Black Bottom via the Cardiff Stroll.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150427709290173

Running their own eponymous monthly evening at the Downtown Diner in Ashford, they bring to Private Widdle not only glamour, but sheer sex appeal as they doube as hostesses, cigarette girls and provide the substance for Private Widdle's (organic) meat raffle (plus other esoteric prizes.

They are hot and they trot.



Hell's Belles also introduced Major Perineum Twang and Miss Jezabelle duBois to Private Widdle. A marriage made in er, Deal.

Death Equipment, Charity Shop, Deal

Death Equipment, Charity Shop, Deal, originally uploaded by petercocks.

Deal, Kent, is home to the dead, dying and those still fighting this annoyingly terminal condition, which with all the drugs available is still terminal.
My local charity shop sells second-hand death equipment for the coffin dodgers who decide to hasten their demise rather than play golf, drive N-reg Mercedes or clog the pavements with mobility scooters.
Apply within.
Anyone wishing to hasten their end in a more sociable manner should join the smoking table at happy half hour in The Ship and make some space for their poor children who will have neither houses nor inheritance.

The Private Widdle Social Club with Lenny Beige

Private Widdle is delighted to announce that Lenny Beige, London's top cabaret act will be hosting April's Social club meeting this Saturday 16th.
Emma Barton, fresh from her Roxy Hart in Chicago will be attending along with Widdle favourites Pussy d'Amour, Miss Jezabelle duBois and Major Perineum twang. Music will be courtesy of Jonathan Burrows on the 88's and The Craters.

Lenny Beige's Impressive showreel here:

LONG REACH- SATURDAY GUARDIAN REVIEW

http://gu.com/p/2nmm8

The Private Widdle Social Club Jan 2011 Meeting.

Not our most polished event to date in some ways:
The gold slash curtain had gone missing, Jonathan the Pianist (man who can play anything) was resting, ill in Madeira. Paul Hendy was away and had taken Paul Foot's throne and crown with him. The follow spot had blown....

However, rough around the edges, January's meeting was chock full of raucous entertainment. Surprise hits were performance Poet Malcolm Head, who has just been signed for Paul Foot's national tour. Plus, the Meat Raffle courtesy of The Black Pig Butcher in Kingsdown, which contained a quadruple pig's heart bypass: pig's heart laced with chipolatas through the ventricles; some lambs kidney and bacon parcels; and some wings in blankets - chicken wings wrapped in bacon. All jolly tasty and fleshy, as were Hells Belles, Major and Mrs Perineum Twang, The Ladies of the Lake, Jodie and all our other talented acts.

Feb 26th show is bursting at the seams and will be a return to the smooth running slickness you expect from a Widdle night out.

Markets of Britain, a short film by Lee Titt (via Serafinowicz and Popper)

This is Deal MArket on a Saturday, to a tee....

PANTO - Poster

Images of Chatham at Christmas. It all felt very Victorian and cosy (like the workhouse) and made Novosibirsk look glamorous.
Even my old mucker and Gravesend boy, Woody turned up in black and white, dressed as Bill Sykes to complete the vision.




JACK AND THE BEANSTALK
Made firm new friends in Chatham.
It was a great, supportive cast who looked after each other in sickness and in health.
As the oldest member of cast (50) I was very pleased not to have succumbed to the various viruses going around, exacerbated by the shared bog outside the dressing room which pumped out sewage fumes and pea-souper shite clouds on an hourly basis.
I attribute my robust health to bloody maries of various dilutions, satsumas, beef jerky and the antispetic effects of organic rolling tobacco. Oh, and guinness after the drive home through the snow.
That's my theory, anyway.
New best friends...West End Veteran Johnny Barr, Phil "Mr Maker" Gallagher, Miss Quinn Patrick and lovely Emma Barton on whom I have a a huge crush.

Poster, originally uploaded by petercocks.

December to January was spent schlepping to Chatham through Snow and blizzards to perform Jack and the Beanstalk twice a day, and thrice on boxing day.
My mum might have been proud to have seen my face on the billboards and buses around Chatham.

full set of pics at
http://www.flickr.com/photos/petercocks/sets/72157625616033634/

LONG REACH

LONG REACH is published today. The first in a series of modern, Len Deightonesque thrillers featuring young, undercover, fledgling hard man, Eddie Savage.

Eddie Savage is shocked to learn that the body of his brother, Steve, has just been washed up in the Thames. But he soon discovers something even more disturbing: that Steve had actually been working undercover for the police – and was probably murdered in the line of duty. Determined to avenge his brother's death, Eddie relinquishes his old life and identity to take up where Steve left off, throwing himself headlong into his first mission – to infiltrate a tough south London gang. But as he becomes caught up in the world of crime, Eddie begins to question where his loyalties lie. Then he makes a terrible discovery...

Here is the trailer...